Looking out for someone else's mental health
Telling someone else you’re worried about them:
If you are concerned that someone else is struggling with their mental health, be careful about how you raise the subject.
DO talk to them and give them the chance to open up. Listen without interrupting and don’t put words into their mouth. You can even plan how to start, if you’re nervous; something like ‘I’m a bit worried about you, you seem unhappy / anxious lately; do you want to talk about it?’
DON’T tell them ‘I think you’re depressed’ or ‘I think you’ve got x condition’; you are not a doctor, and lack the training to make a diagnosis. Instead of naming a condition, tell them what it is that has made you worry, e.g. ‘I’ve noticed that you’ve been eating less / sleeping a lot of the time’.
DO pick a private environment to talk to them, where you won’t be interrupted or overheard and where they will feel comfortable.
DON’T get angry if they don’t respond or open up, or if they get angry; talking about mental health is tricky, especially when you’re struggling. Think about other ways of communicating: if they can’t talk about it, can you get them to write it down instead?
DO share your concerns with an appropriate adult e.g. a parent, guardian, teacher. This is particularly important if you’re worried that they might try to self-harm.
DON’T gossip or talk about it at school/college/uni; respect the person’s privacy; anyone who is struggling with their mental health will be particularly vulnerable and sensitive to people talking about them, even if it is well-intentioned.
DO persuade them to talk to someone like a school counsellor or GP. You can offer to go with them if it will help, but you alone cannot ‘cure’ or ‘heal’ them; they need the support of medical professionals, who may suggest counselling or medication. What you can do is listen without judgement and be there for them.
The Samaritans have a useful guide on how to start this conversation.
In an emergency:
If you are worried that someone poses a risk to themselves or to anyone else, you should call 999; don’t worry about coming across as interfering – it’s far better to be safe.
Helping a friend/loved one who is struggling:
You can find advice on how to help your loved one/friend specifically tailored to different mental health conditions from Mind UK.
Be sensitive when talking about anything they might relate to their mental health issue, don’t interrogate them or compare them to ‘someone else who also has x’. You can simply ask ‘How are you?’ and if they’re ready they might share; if they aren’t yet ready to talk about it don’t push them.
Whether they feel able to open up or not, don’t avoid them or stop talking to them – more than anything they probably crave the normality, distraction and comfort of your friendship and socialising together.
Keep inviting them to socialise as you normally would (but don’t pester or overload them), they might be saying no for now, but they might feel up to it tomorrow. Meeting up 1:1 rather than in big friendship groups might be less stressful for them.
Don’t underestimate the positive impact you can have: if you spend time together, just because they don’t open up and tell you everything it doesn’t mean that you’ve not helped them. Just an hour watching TV together (even virtually!) and chatting about normal, everyday things can distract them and make them feel less lonely.
Be ready to listen; you may find that the strangest situation or place is where they suddenly feel able to talk. Don’t interrupt them; it takes a lot to start talking, so encourage them to keep going by listening, focusing your attention on them, asking open questions and being patient; don’t feel you have to fill in silences and don’t offer ‘solutions’, there are no quick fixes.
Look after your own mental health too; it can be draining to constantly worry about someone close to you, and to feel responsible for looking out for them. You can be there for them, but you aren’t trained and can only do so much. You probably won’t feel able to confide in someone who is struggling and vulnerable, so make sure you have other friends to talk to for when you are feeling low.
Remember: this is not your fault. If they are snappy or distant with you, it’s because they feel low or angry and this is caused by their poor mental health rather than anything you’ve said or done, so don’t take it personally. When they feel better they’ll look at everything differently and be very grateful that you were there for them.
You can find more resources and useful links here.
Carers
You probably clicked on this page because you’re trying to support someone close to you – whether they have mental and or physical health conditions, if you spend lots of your time helping them this makes you a carer (a.k.a. a superhero – you might not have chosen your situation, but the help you give is invaluable and makes such a difference to the person/people you help). Being a carer can be exhausting and isolating, and we’ve compiled a list of resources and places you can find support on our advice page for carers here.
About Us
The general aim and objective of Head Up! is to promote the interests of young people with disabilities, physical and/or mental health conditions, specific learning difficulties and neurodivergence; offering them practical advice and support concerning their education and welfare.